The Art of Self Leadership

Season 2: Episode 4: The Art of Self Leadership ✨

What does it really mean to lead yourself when no one is watching? In this episode, Kristin Svets dives deep into the practice of self-leadership, not just in big, visible moments, but in the everyday choices, thoughts, and reactions that shape your life. Learn how to take responsibility for your mindset, energy, and actions so you can build trust with yourself, regulate your nervous system, and create a ripple effect of calm, clarity, and alignment in every area of your life.

Key Takeaways

 🌟 Self-leadership isn’t about perfection or productivity, it’s about presence and intention.

 🌟 Real leadership happens in the “in between” moments: how you talk to yourself, how you react under stress, how you show up daily.

 🌟 Self-leadership means taking responsibility for your mindset, your energy, and your actions/reactions.

 🌟 Nervous system regulation is key: when you pause, breathe, and reset, you shift from survival mode into empowered choice.

 🌟 Leading yourself well builds trust with yourself, and makes you magnetic to others.

Practical Tips:

✨ Daily Check-In – Each morning, ask: What energy am I bringing into today? Choose one word intention (calm, curious, courageous, etc.).

✨ Three-Breath Pause – Before reacting to stress, take three slow breaths to reset.

✨ Notice Self-Sabotage – Gently redirect fear, old habits, or inner critic voices back toward your intention.

✨ Body Awareness – Pay attention to signs of contraction (tight shoulders, shallow breath) and use breath or movement to regulate.

✨ Lead With Compassion – Remember: self-leadership is not about control, it’s about guiding yourself with awareness and gentleness.

Lead yourself with intention this week and notice how everything around you begins to shift. If this episode resonates, share it with a friend who could use a reminder of their own inner leadership. Subscribe to the Abundant By Design Podcast for more insights, and tag @kristinsvets on Instagram with how you’re practicing self-leadership in your daily and let her know your favorite practice for shifting your vibration!

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Transcript

Season 2: Episode 4- The Art of Self Leadership ✨

Hello friends, welcome back. I am so inspired to talk about this concept of self leadership. And so I thought I would start today's episode sharing something with you that I was struggling with that I think is so common for people. And so let me know if this ever happens to you as well. But I caught myself in that familiar spiral when I was talking to my trainer the other day, I was working out and things come out of my mouth that are so self-deprecating and it actually just reflects this frustrating spiral that we can create of self-doubt and self-criticism and how that runs in the background, in our subconscious, or even not that we just hear this like harsh internal voice and typically it's a voice of fear like what are you doing? Who do you think you are like with working out? You're not going to be able to do that. When you catch yourself operating in a way like that. It is actually this opportunity that you can make the choice to not let that voice run the show and it got me thinking about this question that I wanted to ask you is how do you lead yourself when no one is watching? I mean, like really lead yourself in those quiet moments when it's just you. So yes, sometimes it might be with someone else, like I caught myself talking to my trainer and saying it out loud, but what about when you're just talking to yourself and it's your thoughts, there's a decision to make and this comes up. It's especially heightened like when we're tired or when we're stressed or when opportunity knocks and fear kicks in, you know, there's a scary moment there.

So ask yourself what version of you is actually guiding your choices in those moments. Is it that fear whispering, just play it safe or is it old habits and these inner critic voices that are just running on autopilot or are you intentionally stepping into this self leadership capacity because you're ready to create something deeper, that intentional part of you that knows you can show up in a better way and that you want to show up in a better way and you actually know what you're capable of. We're so conditioned and I used to think this as well that, you know, leadership is around the big moments, right? Like of course we see that in the corporate world, that it's the big presentations or the strategic decisions that everyone sees and even just like tough conversations, but tough conversations can be a work, but they could also be at home and in your relationships. And the big things really do matter, of course, but here's what I've learned after working with other just incredible humans who are building businesses and raising families and just trying to make their mark and their legacy in this world.

The real leadership, the kind that changes everything, it happens in the spaces in between. It happens in how you talk to yourself when you do feel doubt, when you do mess up because we're all going to mess up, we're human, right? It's whether you choose the difficult conversation with that family member or friend, with a teammate, or are you avoiding it? I know that's definitely how I am wired. I would love to avoid it, but who does that serve? So the energy that you bring to say your Monday morning, or those stressful decisions that you have to make or the way you show up for the people that you love. And before we can lead anyone else, our families, our teams, our communities, we have to figure out how to lead ourselves. And honestly, most of us are winging it.

I am recording this in the middle of September. I am heading out so soon to co-host a retreat, which I'm so excited about. If you don't know that I host an annual international retreat, I co-host it with a friend who's a travel agent. So please email me if you'd like to join the wait list for that 2026 retreat, because we keep it a small group and it's incredible. But this is something that we're going to work on on the retreat.

It's also something that, you know, as I'm recording this, there's a lot going on in society. And I feel like I've been saying that for years, but it's true. We are living through a time that it's not that it's never happened before. People repeatedly live through different, difficult times. But we are in one of those moments that we are living through an upheaval, right? There are a lot of different things going on.

And for those of us who are lucky enough to be in this space that we can continually work on personal development, spiritual development, emotional regulation, nervous system regulation. It allows us to lead ourselves through these very stressful times with so much more of an anchor. And that is what we need in stressful times in our personal lives, in stressful times in society. We need individuals who are anchored in self peace and self love so they can carry this sense of leadership and a sense of calm into a very chaotic world. So that is what we're doing. We're gonna go deeper into this self leadership, not just like the Instagram quote version, but the really like messy and beautiful practice of it because here's the truth that I want you to walk away with from this episode is how you lead yourself doesn't just determine your success. It actually determines the entire experience that you have with your life.

So let's start with the obvious question is what do I mean when I say self leadership? At its core, I see self leadership as being about taking full responsibility for three things. That is your mindset, your energy, and your actions and reactions. So that sounds simple, right? But here's where it gets interesting. And I'm just fascinated by us as humans.

We humans are wired in the strangest way. Like we'll set a goal, we'll get excited about it, we'll get some motivation behind it, and maybe we even make some progress, but then somehow we find a way to sabotage ourselves. We skip the workout that we planned. We avoid the difficult conversation that we know we need to have. We spiral into worst case scenario thinking that right when things are going well and then we like... block it from continuing to go down the higher potential path. It's the example of everyone dropping their New Year's resolutions. And why? Why are we wired this way? Why do we not want to just eat super healthy? Why do we not want to work out as much as possible? Why is it so hard to sit and meditate or pray? Why do we do this to ourselves?

It's like we have this internal committee. I'm sure you've seen the internal family systems work or Stephen the adorable kids movies that talk about that, all the different voices in your head. But it does feel like half the members are cheering us on and the other half are like secretly plotting our downfall. And why, why are we wired that way?

Before you think about self leadership as just being about somebody that's working on it for the work world to, you know, be a better entrepreneur, be a better business owner or be better in the corporate world. But it's really not. It applies to all of us in this scenario because we are allowing ourselves to learn to witness the self sabotage part and like, you know, calm it down and say, okay, just like the parent who's trying to calm down the toddler through a meltdown or the teenager through a meltdown, it's, and this is where it works in real life for those actual meltdowns and for the partnership in choosing how to respond and heated discussions. You know, it even shows up like I have college kids. even shows up if you are a college student and you're deciding is it time to scroll social media or actually study for that exam? And I actually think that's so much harder for our kids today than it was for us and for all of us. We're so much more distracted because of social media and our live-spent on screens that we have to learn and master self-leadership throughout our life. And it is ongoing.

And here's what self leadership is not. It's not about managing yourself like you're some kind of productivity machine, right? It's not about control or perfection or having your life together 24 /7. How I see self leadership is that it's about awareness. It's about conscious presence. It's about this alignment between who you say you want to be and how you actually show up to create that and cultivate it. And it's about noticing when that self-sabotage squad is taking over the operating system. It's noticing if you're operating from fear or habit, like the voice that came up with my trainer. That is just an old habit. So what do you do with that? You gently, and I repeat, gently with self-compassion, you direct yourself back into your intention, back into building the bigger or better vision that you want in your life.

The beautiful ripple effect that happens when you start practicing real self leadership is that something shifts in how you show up for everyone else. Something shifts in your energy. The people around you see it. And so instead of being so tired and cranky with the kids, you're able to show up in the energy that you want to show up in and react to what's going on with them in the way that you're proud of that you are like, yes, that is actually how I want to parent. And then of course, your kids are gonna notice that you are more centered, that you are more grounded, that you are more present. Your partner is going to feel your increased emotional availability. Your colleagues or friends, community, coworkers, they're going to start feeling that there is something different about your energy.

And then that shifts. Maybe they start coming to you for advice. They start coming to you with opportunities. And that is when you become a conscious leader. Not because you have some title or because people report to you in the corporate world. There's plenty of managers in the corporate world that have the title that people report to and they don't have the energy to call that in.

In any area of life, when you are living from this place of awareness and intention, that is magnetic. That is the kind of leadership that the world desperately needs more of. We all see that every day. Let's shift now into talking about how the body and brain connection is important in this topic because this is the topic that really changed everything for me because just talking about the theory sounds cool. But what do you do? How do you make it happen? When I understood how my nervous system was actually running the show in ways that I never realized, that's when I was really able to lead myself with this body brain connection.

So here's what I mean. You know, those moments when you are about to make a decision, and let's use the example of money, right? Money is a common stressor for everyone. And whether it's having that tough conversation that you want to avoid around money, or it's like taking a risk with money, you can feel your body responding. There's a contraction, your heart rate picks up, your breathing gets shallow and maybe faster your shoulders might be more tense and that, you know, your ribs start to crunch in, in that contraction. That is your nervous system giving you information. And when we are in that activated state, we're not making choices from our wisest self or from our highest self. We're making choices from survival mode.

That survival mode, sure, it's this amazing feature of our human existence, and it's been really good at keeping us alive, which is great, but it's actually terrible at helping us thrive, because we do have to get out of our comfort zone to get into growth mode. So the magic of understanding this is that when you learn to pause just for a breath, just for a moment, and regulate your nervous system through breathing, through letting yourself think for a little bit, just something incredible happens. You create that space, right? It's backed by science. It's the stimulus and response. You create the space, you access your capacity for presence, and from that place, your choices and your reactions become completely different. And again, this has the ripple effect, which I love. It just really blows my mind to think about that when you pause and you reset and you choose presence over reactivity, you're not just changing your experience. You're modeling what is possible for everyone around you. So your calm becomes their calm.

Think about that with kids. Think about that in leading a group at work. Your intentionality gives everyone around you permission to slow down and to step into that present calm energy as well. And again, you know, money stories are so fascinating. They're a great place to look at this. And it is somewhat of a mirror of how you lead yourself. So if you are making financial decisions from fear and scarcity and even panic like there's not enough energy, you can switch that into approaching money with clarity and intention. And if this is an area for you that shows up even when it doesn't make sense, say you're in a place that you have a great foundation of money, but it still causes you stress, this is a great place to work with self leadership.

So often when I'm working with clients around money and you know, that looking at your bank account creates that familiar just pit in your stomach and decisions are made from anxiety. But when you learn to step back and you learn to just create a nourishing habit, around knowing that you're gonna look at your money, deal with your money, and you take three deep breaths, and you say, I am safe, and you get present with what is actually true versus what this nervous system fear that is feeding into your brain and body is all about, you get to completely shift your energy, which then shifts your thought process and allows you to make a more aligned choice. So it ripples over into results almost immediately. Again, in all areas of life, remember that the power of leading yourself from presence and feeling centered and grounded in stead of any of the other states that our inner critic tries to create, is so incredibly powerful.

So some practical activities to do that that you could start today or literally like right now is creating a daily self leadership check in. You can start in the morning, you can do this in the morning. So before you grab your phone, before you dive into your to do list, you could still be sitting there in bed. and just asking yourself, like checking in, taking a moment, being grateful for the day, saying a prayer if you practice that, and then allowing yourself to lead yourself and say, what energy am I bringing into this day? And just notice, you don't have to have judgment around it. You're creating awareness. So notice, are you anxious? Are you excited? Are you still tired?

Are you overwhelmed or neutral? And then after you've noticed, just set a one word intention for how you want to show up. Maybe you want to show up calm. Maybe you want to show up super excited. Maybe you want to show up with curiosity. Maybe you want to show up in your courage. There's a variety of ways that you can show up for that day. So you just find a word to guide your choices for that day.

And then a micro process within that can honestly change your life because before you react to stress, before you react to your kids or your work or your partner or your money story, when you've set an intention and you know that you are going to pause and take a few deep breaths, this tiny pause is where your power lives and you're doing that practice of literally creating that space between the stimulus and the response. You're creating the space between what is happening and how you want to show up. You get to choose who you want to be, and that is self-leadership. Luckily, hopefully you're holding on to that intention that you started in the morning, you say yes, I want to be standing in my power in that moment. So give yourself that gift give yourself the space to remember and give yourself the opportunity to show up in this way.

And so why does any of this matter and why am I so passionate about this well self leadership, truly builds something very precious, and this is a big one. Self leadership builds trust with yourself. And when you trust yourself to handle whatever comes up, when you know that you can regulate your nervous system and make those more empowered aligned choices from your wisest self, tapping into that inner wisdom, you become unshakable. And it is not because nothing goes wrong. It is not because there isn't stress around you. It's because you know that you can navigate whatever occurs. There is just truly something magnetic about people who practice real self leadership. You know these people right now. You can think about them that you know when you're around them, you feel calmer, more inspired, and really even more like yourself because there's a safety there. And those people are not perfect either. But there is a quality of presence about them that the people around them feel safe. They want to tell them things and they become natural leaders. Not because they're trying to, but because they're living from alignment.

And so the beautiful truth around this is that when you align with who you really are, when you lead yourself with intention and presence, when you set the energy for the day, you are creating the space for true abundance, not just financial abundance. Yes, we welcome that in, but through all that follows is this abundance of peace , an abundance of connection and abundance of purpose. And when our society is where it is today and has been for some time now, this is how we change the world. We choose to be abundant by design. We choose to have intentions to cultivate and create the kind of life that we want to live.

It does not have to be through grand gestures. There are people who that's their role and that's great, but for many of us, it's the daily practice of showing up as our most conscious selves, our most aligned selves, tapping into our inner wisdom, following our heart and soul, trusting our gut. We do this one breath and one choice and one moment of presence at a time. And when you do that, you're giving everyone around you permission to do the same. You become the proof that it's possible. And that's how we create more conscious leaders in the world, not by telling people what to do, but by living it ourselves.

If this conversation sparked something in you and you want to go deeper in this work, whether it's around leadership, figuring out how to trust yourself more, diving into money mindset, I would love to connect with you. Check in the show notes. You can find me at Kristen Svets coaching on Instagram or my website.

Let's bring this back to where we started. Close this out with self leadership. It's really about how you embody presence, intention, and alignment. Not in just the big moments, those are important, but also in the ordinary Tuesday afternoon moments too. When you get good at leading yourself, when you automatically start to pause instead of react. When you choose intention over fear or habit, you naturally expand into being this conscious leader. And success, real, sustainable success, or success of the soul, it all flows from there.

So here's what I invite you to do this week, and this is so simple. You might be tempted to dismiss it, but just don't. If you're still listening, just choose one way that you are going to lead yourself differently. Maybe it's that morning check-in we talked about. Maybe it's the three-breath pause before you react. Maybe it's just asking yourself some of the tougher questions and the energy you want to bring to those topics. then throughout your week this week, get curious, ask yourself, how am I leading myself right now? Not as judgment, but as loving awareness. Because that awareness alone, just noticing, can completely change how you show up for your work, for the people you love, your family, your community, in your money stories.

And remember that this isn't about becoming some perfect Zen version of yourself. Self-leadership is not about perfection. It's about intention. It's about putting the energetics behind it. It's about presence. And it's those tiny moments where you catch yourself and think, I have a choice here. What do I want to choose? 

So lead yourself with intention this week, be gentle with yourself in the promise. I promise you, you'll start noticing that everything around you begins to shift. And when you show up with that clarity and calm, when you're operating, from that grounded present place we've been talking about, you become proof that it's all possible. I'm always excited to hear how this lands with you. So please reach out and until next time, lead yourself well. The world absolutely needs your true authentic self.